Gay Therapy and Holiday Struggles: The Harm of Conversion Practices + Helpful Coping Strategies
The holidays are often seen as a time of joy, family, and togetherness. Yet, for many of us in the LGBTQ+ community, this season can bring about profound emotional challenges—especially for those who have experienced conversion therapy or come from non-affirming families. The dangers of this pseudoscientific practice, combined with the societal pressures of the holiday season, create a uniquely difficult landscape for queer individuals.
The Devastating Reality of Conversion “Therapy”
If you haven’t heard of conversion therapy, also known as "reparative therapy," then here’s the facts. This deceptive practice falsely claims to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Despite being discredited by every major medical and psychological organization, it continues to be practiced across the globe, often targeting vulnerable LGBTQ+ youth. According to The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youth who have undergone conversion therapy are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to their peers who have not. Learn more here: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/conversion-therapy-report/
TL;DR The practice is rooted in shame, coercion, and emotional manipulation, leaving lasting scars.
Survivors frequently report symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and anxiety. The holiday season can act as a trigger, with family gatherings often serving as a painful reminder of rejection or the environments where these harmful practices were endorsed.
Holidays: A Minefield for LGBTQ+ Folks
While holiday ads promote images of familial bliss, they rarely reflect the reality faced by many queer individuals. For many, the holidays mean returning to families who may not affirm their identities or relationships. This lack of acceptance can exacerbate feelings of isolation and disconnection. As a therapist, this time of year I’m continually time-traveling to the past with clients to reflect on the emptiness, betrayal or despair they felt. Even if present day is safer, my clients’ bodies may still recall the turmoil, which can result in somatic disturbances in real time.
Even well-meaning families can unintentionally cause harm. Misgendering, deadnaming, or avoiding discussions about a person’s partner can communicate rejection, making LGBTQ+ individuals feel unseen or unwelcome. For those estranged from their families, the season can be a stark reminder of what has been lost.
Coping Strategies and Community Support
Thankfully, there are ways to navigate these challenges. Many LGBTQ+ organizations host holiday events or offer virtual spaces to connect with chosen family—those who actively affirm individuals for who they are. Close friends of mine host a yearly party on Christmas Eve, jokingly making the theme “The Island of Misfit Toys” and welcoming LGBTQ+ friends and strangers alike who don’t have family to return to. These gatherings can provide a much-needed sense of belonging and joy.
A practical coping strategy for those returning to potentially challenging family environments is creating a Coping Skills Toolbox or Bag. This involves gathering small, comforting items that engage the five senses and provide moments of relief. For example, a tiny bottle of bubbles (available at stores like Five Below or the Dollar Store) can encourage deep breathing during stressful moments. Sour candies can serve as a quick distraction, while fidget toys, essential oils, or even a picture of a beloved pet can offer comfort. Although these items may seem trivial compared to the weight of trauma or intense emotions, a thoughtfully assembled Coping Bag can become an invaluable tool for navigating the holidays.
Advocacy and Awareness
Ending the practice of conversion therapy requires not only legislative action but also societal change. Advocates are working tirelessly to ban the practice in more jurisdictions and to raise awareness about its harmful effects. However, creating safe and affirming environments starts at home. Families should educate themselves about LGBTQ+ issues and strive to be sources of unconditional love and support. A helpful resource for learning: https://www.lgbtqiahealtheducation.org/resources/type/collection/
As we celebrate, let’s remember that holiday joy is not universal—and that we all have a role to play in ensuring that our LGBTQ+ friends, family members, and neighbors feel valued and affirmed. Together, we can create a world where the season truly is bright for all.
